Radioactive Green

If they ever publish a report that Diet Mountain Dew leads to cancer or rickets or elephantitus of the eyelid, I'm screwed. There's seriously nothing natural about the color (unless sea algae and plutonium count) but it's the greatest non-alcoholic, non-coffee drink in the universe. And Yellow 5 is my favorite yellow.

And what's a phenylketonuric?

My liver is going to leap out of my throat and flee down the sidewalk if I keep drinking this stuff, I'm sure. For those of you who have further questions about this delicious beverage, there's apparently a hotline at 1-800-433-2652, staffed by Xtreme Service RepX.